The 13 hour flight back from China gave me a lot of time to think about getting back under the bar after having missed it for a week. It also gave me some time to think about all the little phrases that the weak folk like to repeat daily. The phrases that are so ridiculously asinine, it isn’t worth using your lungs to offer a rebuttal: a simple eye twitch will suffice.
Here is a list of 20 phrases that big lifters hear on a regular basis; we do our best to not kick you in the teeth when you say them.
1. Are you really going to eat all that ________? I hope you like clogged arteries.
2. Hey, you done with the rack?
3. Hold on, I forgot to enter that salad into my calorie counter.
4. I’ll just have an MGD 64 please.
5. My doctor told me walking is the best form of exercise because it is low impact.
6. Can you please stop grunting and dropping weights? Some of us are trying to focus on our heart rates.
7. But my last trainer told me high reps and low weight…….
8. I don’t want to be big, just toned for summer (AKA: Why are you here?)
9. Oh jeez, a whole avocado? That is so much fat…..
10. Don’t get on a program, you need to keep your muscles confused.
11. I don’t squat, it’s bad for the knees. (I had to put this one, otherwise someone would complain)
12. Time to go blast my core!!!
13. I don’t eat meat, I am a vegan because meat is poison.
14. Don’t eat eggs, they will kill you! Instead eat cheerios and soymilk to lower your cholesterol.
15. Deadlifts? Is that the one where the bar goes over my head?
16. I think I will take it easy today, I’m not feeling it.
17. The workout is over? But I’m not even sweating that hard!
18. Eat 6 small meals a day to stoke your metabolic fires.
19. Why would anyone want big traps?
20. Orlando Bloom is an example of the perfect-looking man.