Monday, January 2, 2012

8 Of The Laziest Attempts At Diet & Exercise


Humans are amazing creatures, capable of ingenious methods and inventions. What is more impressive  is our innate desire to put in the least amount of work possible while still trying to reap the same benefits as if we worked hard. One of the easiest place to spot this trait is in the health and fitness industry. People will do whatever it takes to lose weight and be healthy: as long as it doesn't require any effort, diet, or exercise.

Let's take a look at some of the laziest attempts at diet and exercise available.

1. Drinking The Urine of Pregnant Women For Weight Loss



Maybe you have heard of the hCG diet? It's derived from the piss of pregnant women. Well this diet cuts out the middleman and goes straight for the source: literally drinking the urine of pregnant women. The author of this diet book also wrote other books on how to cure AIDS, alzheimers, multiple sclerosis, and diabetes. This way, you know you are reading a reputable source.

2. Fitness Discs aka Cool Whip Lids


If this product looks like the top of a Tupperware lid, that's because it's identical to one. Now you can get fit while simultaneously falling on your face and breaking a tooth.

3. Weight Loss Sunglasses


According to the website, blue is the least appetizing color. So naturally it makes sense to wear blue sunglasses so everything looks unappetizing. In a very clear English translation, here is the product description from the website:

"It stimulates the physiological circulation of the human that it is appetite the effect of red approaches the brain among non consciousness, would like to eat generally, that it increases. It is said that the appetite it calms the excitation of the brain above that would like to eat blue color conversely, is held down. Those where the color physiology is applied are these sunglasses. “You drink continuously” if and so on poor even with the person where “it moves”, this because just you apply with easily is, it is easy to continue without being chased in stress, probably will be."

Well that's that.

4. Flavor Spray


Previously sold on a now defunct website, flavor spray promised to make boring foods taste like the exciting foods on the labels of the bottle. The only problem is even if you spray chocolate fudge in a rice cake, your brain will understand that its eating a rice cake with chocolate chemicals on it and be unsatisfied. Doesn't quite have the same effect as cake, does it?

 5. Oxygen 4 Energy


These bottles contain "95% oxygen enriched air" and claim to cure everything from hangovers to the effects of aging. Here is the short list of things that this can of air will have an effect on:
  • Power and Explosiveness
  • Endurance
  • Lactic Acid Muscle Burn
  • Training Intensity
  • Training Capacity
  • Recovery
  • Mental Clarity and Focus
6. The FIRM Fanny Lifter


To the untrained eye, the FIRM may appear to actually be 2 small stools, but they are so much more! Because unlike stools, you can step on and off of these.....oh wait.

Note the team of master professionals here to teach you more about the FIRM.

7. 6 Second Abs

If 8 minutes is just TOO much time to spend on an ab workout, not to worry. 6 second abs is the solution to all of your problems. It's the perfect tool to take with you on a date, or when you go to church.

8. The Tapeworm Diet



Beginning some time in the early 1900's, the tapeworm diet is now only legal in Mexico. Using tapeworms from cows, it promises to help you lose from 1-2 pounds per week, for only $1500 dollars. What a deal!

Keep your eye peeled for more ridiculous items such as these as you continue your fitness journey, and just remember that the basics work the best, that is why they are the basics. Nothing can be a substitute for simple, hard work (except maybe that fitness disc).

7 comments:

  1. Awesome blog!
    I was called "Tapeworm" in high school, so lol with the last lazy method.

    Happy new year from Granada, Spain!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. you can get the effects of the last one from just eating warm, raw pork! hooray! I saved everyone 1500 bucks

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  3. I like that the instructor tells you the exercise with the fitness disc is like scrubbing the floor. Replace the disc with a scrubber and voila: fitness and clean floors!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can't imagine myself drinking a pregnant mother's urine. I still believe that proper diet and exercise are the leaders to a better and effective weight loss program.

    ReplyDelete
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  6. I couldn't agree with you more. Your weight is a balancing act, but the equation is simple: If you eat more calories than you burn then you gain weight. If you eat fewer calories than you burn, you lose weight.

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